Book Review Part 2

Parenting the Hurt Child: Helping Adoptive Families Heal and Grow
By Gregory Keck, Regina M. Kupecky & L.G. Mansfield
304 Pages


This book is actually a second book written by these authors, and although I will go back and read the first for information (the topic is attachment), the reason I chose to read this one first was that I wanted the practical, every day information to help me help children affected by trauma of any kind. I was looking for the nitty-gritty do’s and don’ts and why’s and how-to’s that experienced individuals could offer me. Enough therapists and theories and science for now. (I’ve read so much of that lately!) I wanted to read from a Mama and Papa that loves their children, whether they are a part of their lives for one day or for every day coming to them as a family. These authors are therapists and despite that, they come across as loving and concerned, well-researched and experienced.

This book is sectioned by well-defined chapters and if that isn’t helpful enough, they have an index in the back by category should you need to reference their wisdom later for specific issues. The book is easy to read with no need to have a dictionary on hand to place clinical terms into lay-mans terms. Although I am not un-educated, I really appreciate the “we’re in the trenches with you” feeling that comes across while reading. With a quiet space and a cup of coffee, you get the feeling you’re speaking with an experienced friend who is willing to invest their knowledge in you.

The information found and received was very helpful to me and I find myself still thinking on it and mulling it over, even a week after reading. They had no easy answers for anything, as working with hurt children is simply not easy, but they offered encouragement and words of wisdom that spoke of the children being worth any and all efforts given. I love that they make it clear that it’s “normal” that your family is  no longer “normal”. Having traumatized children in your home makes your family different and those that have not worn these shoes will simply not understand, and that’s ok. Parenting traumatized children is simply not the same as parenting your child from birth who has fully bonded and always been secure. The difference is like night and day, and I really appreciate the insight that is offered alongside some examples of mistakes as well as successes.

I’ve come away from this book with a lot of really good pictures of what is really going on inside the head of someone doing/saying something that doesn’t make sense to me. This was important to me, as I can’t count how many times I held a screaming/raging 4 year old and simply cried in my heart, “what makes you, you?”  or simply feeling at a loss for not understanding, but desperately wanting to. I simply want to understand so that I may be more effective in caring for the little friends that come through our house.

Four year olds cannot put into words what these adults have written, but I’m so grateful for the peek inside the ‘workings of a hurt mind’ to see what is going on.  I loved the encouragement to keep trying, to keep pushing through, to keep on keeping on. These children are worth it, and with the practical advice given, I feel better prepared to help these little people. That, is very useful.