Did you pray for Patience?

I was asked that question yesterday by a friend. My reaction was "Good heaven's, no!". I know how eagerly the Lord likes to answer that prayer and I wasn't jumping on that bandwagon. No siree. No thank you!

Fortunately for me, the Lord knows what I need even if I am unaware. Of course I could be aware but ignoring it but it's all the same thing and comes out in the wash 'cause the Lord deals with it all anyway, right? In this case I wasn't aware but was intrigued.

So, backing up a day. Yesterday the fully completed adoption packet full of paperwork that literally claimed some blood, was sitting in the proper courthouse awaiting the signature of a certain Judge. My Jacoby's adoption would have been complete, finished, and legally binding yesterday. Except for one thing. The Secretary. Ms. Secretary placed this packet of information and pleadings onto a work surface and not only did it get misplaced, but it was buried. Needless to say, the Judge never saw our paperwork and we will have to wait until next week since we have a shortage of judges and the few we do have, rotate counties and only work 1 to 2 days per county. 


I was angry. I was really angry. That surprised me and bothered me. That's not usually my first reaction to something. I did realize that the road to this adoption has cost 2 years of time and a large amount of heartache and plenty of prayer. By God's grace and mercy things have turned out well. We clung to 2 Chronicles 16:9a "For the eyes of the Lord range throughout the earth to strengthen those whose hearts are fully committed to Him." We've desperately and graciously received that strength. The Word the Lord gave me directly was John 14:1 "Do not let your hearts be troubled. Trust in God; trust also in Me." This, this promise has held me through.


So why so angry? We've been so patient. What is one more week? I think it was the immediate offense I perceived. I unknowingly took offense and thought the Secretary had clear misguided priorities. Sure, the court deals with lots of cases. Most are crimes people did or did not commit. Their lives and how they are lived are in the balance. But in my eyes, I could only see my life. My baby. My desire. My promise. It never occurred to me that what I perceived as blatant disregard for the joy and blessing of adoption, may have simply been an oversight by a very busy woman. Nothing more, nothing less. And to take the plank out of my own eye, how many times am I busy with something important and my child wants to show me a picture or a tent they built and I'm annoyed at the distraction? Or worse, tell them not now?


Romans 5:3 in the KJV says we glory in tribulation, knowing tribulation works patience in us. The NASB says we exult our tribulations knowing that they work perseverance in us. One definition of perseverance is "continuance in a state of grace to the end." Did I remain in a state of grace? Sure. Did I act like it? No.


Patience in Romans 5:3 uses the Greek word hupomone. It means endurance, constancy. Do you know what is written in black ink in my Strong's Concordance concerning the word hupomone? It says, "hupomone is the temper which does not easily succumb under suffering". Ouch. I certainly succumbed. It also says hupomone is opposed to cowardice or despondency. What?! Patience is the opposite of cowardice or despondency. When I looked up cowardice in the dictionary, it says cowardice is the lack of courage to face danger, difficulty, opposition, or pain. Despondency is to be downcast or disheartened, lacking hope and courage. 

I have never, never seen despondency as cowardice. I never put the two together. Doesn't Psalm 38:15 say "For I hope in You, O Lord; You will answer, O Lord my God."   And Psalm 71:14 says "But as for me, I will hope continually, And will praise you yet more and more." Continually. As in never stopping. Did I really stop hoping? Did I really turn coward and forgo patience? Yep, sure did. And I'm so sorry. Faithfulness is something I so desperately want to walk in and yet when something doesn't go the way I think it should.... 


Well, lesson learned. Today I walk in patience. Yesterday's cowardice was a  momentary glitch on my goal of faithfulness. Good thing grace covers that and that the Lord is a God of second chances.

On the bright side, I have one more week to plan our adoption party!